This report is not designed to be given to your client. Instead, its purpose is to assist you in preparing yourself for the debrief process and subsequent coaching sessions that you are going to lead with this client.

We recommend that in preparation you ask your client to do the following:

1. Read through either the Feedback or Leadership Report prior to your debriefing session;
2. To note what seems to be true, what seems to be untrue, and what he/she is unsure about. (Ask the client to stay open to the possibility that there may be some things reflected in the report that the client is not yet aware of in terms of their own behavior);
3. To note whatever questions he/she has as a result of reading the Feedback or Leadership report;
4. (Optional) to complete the Pathway to Coaching Diary (or part of it), or the Self-Awareness Exercise. This is for you to decide.

In your preparation read through this report carefully and plan how you are going to lead the debrief discussion with your client.

Remember the importance of:

1. establishing and maintaining the boundaries of trust and confidentiality.
2. grounding your assessment of the client’s Enneagram pattern in actual behavioral examples that your client describes.
3. the influence of your own Enneagram profile on how you show up with your client. What do you need to be particularly aware of here?

The following short paragraphs briefly describe the client’s likely behavior based on the above bar graph. The top nine bars in the graph represent the client’s likely behavior across all nine Enneagram Types. Note that the top bar represents Type 2 and is followed in sequence by Types 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 1. The paragraphs below are ordered in the same sequence.

In the graph, two traits are represented for each of the nine Types. The one on the right of each bar is generally regarded as characteristic of that Type whilst the trait on the left is regarded as its opposite.

The tenth bar from the top (Little need to change vs Strong need to change) indicates the degree of life satisfaction that the client was experiencing at the time of completing the questionnaire. This relates to the amount of stress that is likely to be present for the client.

The bottom bar (Fixated vs Mobile) aims to give an overall feel for how easily the client seems to adapt his/her behavior to changing circumstances. Generally, the longer this bar, the easier the client will be able to access a wider range of Enneagram patterns of behavior when required.

• Ms Client shows a fairly strong drive towards supporting others. This may suggest an inclination to be noticed and appreciated for being kind and a tendency to be upset if this recognition is seen as inadequate.
• Showing a rather strong drive to be visibly successful and to achieve in whatever she does, she tends to work very hard and needs to carefully schedule her time. She is also likely to hide failures and present a successful front to others.
• Whilst she shows a slight need to be different from others, this is not really pronounced. Furthermore, she perhaps demonstrates little empathy towards other people and may portray a somewhat cynical and pragmatic way of dealing with others.
• Whilst not really significant, she shows some ability to operate on her own when the need arises. There could be a slight degree of resistance to constantly being in company with others and a need to do her own thing from time to time.
• Whilst there is evidence to suggest that she is a rather secure individual, rarely troubled by worries or anxiety, these may occur from time to time and result in a need to find security in group interaction.
• There is also evidence to suggest that she is somewhat serious about life and may occasionally lack enthusiasm and vigour. This may suggest a certain level of shyness and a desire to be less socially visible.
• Furthermore, she is not really inclined to control others to any great degree and probably prefers to fit in with other people's plans and arrangements. This is, again, not to say that she is a weak individual.
• She is likely to need to hear a range of opinions before making up her mind about things and may, at times, appear rather indecisive. At the same time, she is able to calm down tense situations by exploring positions held by conflicting parties.
• Lastly, she may show a tendency to criticise others which may result from her being rather critical of her own behaviour. This implies a desire to do the right things and be responsible.

• She shows a fairly strong need to be of assistance to others and this may have a quite profound influence on how she interacts socially. This suggests a kind person who is considerate of people's needs.
• It is likely that she responds to the needs of others before her own. This may mean that she is out of touch with her own needs to the point of believing that she has no real needs. She may also become progressively more dissatisfied with life.
• Having little need to be in control of others, the type of assistance which she offers is not likely to be intrusive and takes the feelings of the recipient of the help into account.
• Furthermore, having somewhat stable emotions, she is probably able to be helpful without becoming upset if she is not openly appreciated.

• Showing a strong need to be visibly successful, she probably works rather hard to achieve this and aims to be an expert in her field. Her hard work may exclude any time for relaxation and this can lead to an unbalanced lifestyle.
• Nonetheless, she probably believes that the only worthwhile results in life come from hard work and, as a result, she remains focused on goals and achieves massively.
• Whilst her attention remains mostly directed outwards, suggesting a rather competitive approach to life, a tendency to become complacent at times is also indicated, and this may result in a more balanced approach to work and play.
• She tries to keep her real feelings and thoughts carefully hidden behind a series of masks which portray success as she perceives it. It is likely that she identifies with this image of herself quite strongly but realises that it is actually false.

• With a tendency to be emotionally sensitive, she is likely to notice other people's emotions and react to them in some way. Along with this, it is possible that she becomes outwardly emotional at times and allows her feelings to show.
• She notices others in need and tries to be of assistance to them. This suggests that she focuses outwards and may lose touch of her own needs in striving to meet those of other people.
• Furthermore, there is evidence that she notices what other people expect of her. Consequently, she may try to live out others' expectations in order to get their approval. This is accompanied by a fairly strong tendency to suppress her real feelings.
• She seems to be fairly in touch with the present and notices what is going on around her. This also suggests that she may experience some dissatisfaction with the present although this is not likely to emerge as an important feature.

Selfless service

Critical assistance

The following factors probably serve to enhance work performance if they are present.

• The opportunity to be of service to other people.
• Being appreciated for what she does.
• Facilitating the growth of others.

• The opportunity to improve things and get them working more efficiently.
• To be able to feel she is doing the right thing. Firm boundaries, set rules and standards.
• The absence of any criticism.

• Being able to look successful.
• A status position, clearly defined, with all the trimmings.
• Being kept busy enough to suppress her unwanted feelings.

The following defines the type of work environment probably best suited to this person.

Social (Nurturing-Altruistic)

• This interest indicates a need to be near or at the center of human activities, group discussions or meetings.
• An ability to get on well with people is a core requirement.
• Supporting or assisting others in a professional way is often required.
• Patience and interpersonal warmth is important.
• Having a real desire to promote the well being of people is very useful.

Conventional (Procedural-Systematic)

• The critical aspect here is an interest in organizing and planning information or tasks according to prescribed rules, well-established procedures and systems. This includes all tasks containing systematic procedures or regular methods.
• A careful and orderly approach is a key requirement.
• Defining procedures and methods of organizing tasks is important.
• Willingness to perform repetitive, often tedious, tasks is required.
• The ability to maintain standards and follow regulations is critical.

Artistic (Creative-Self-expressive)

• This represents an interest in work requiring creativity and self-expression in the creation and production of artwork, literature, products or services.
• Innovative ability is the key requirement.
• An eye for form, order and layout is often required.
• A willingness to depart from conventional thinking is very useful.
• A fertile imagination is of great benefit here.

Here are some suggestions you may wish to use working with this client.

The “selfless supporter” may well display behaviour that appears close to martyrdom in the way he or she demonstrates helpfulness towards others. It can often appear that these types of clients have little or no regard for their own needs. This generally leads to feelings of frustration and eventually anger. It’s also possible for them to be quite obviously dependent to the point of clinging. Paradoxically, such people often declare themselves as independent and resist help from others. This paradox makes the process complicated as the face of the giver is, in a way, falsely maintained. In order to uncover this underlying process, the following conversation starters may be used:

• Tell me about a time when you put your own needs aside to do something for someone else.
• Talk to me about a time when you felt unrecognized and unappreciated for what you did for someone else.
• Share an example of a time when you felt unsupported by others.
• Give me an example of a situation where you felt compelled to help someone at the significant cost of your own needs, even your health or finances.
• Tell me about a time when someone else told you they needed space from you, or requested that you back off a little, when you were simply trying to help them.
• Talk to me about a situation where you didn’t give up on helping someone, in spite of their lack of appreciation.
• Share an example of a situation when you let someone know in no uncertain terms how you felt about their lack of appreciation.
• Give an example where people responded favourably to your special attention.
• Tell me about an occasion where people seemed indifferent towards you.
• Talk to me about an experience you’ve had where you deliberately aligned yourself with the “right” people to complete an important project.

Setting clear parameters for coaching is imperative because of the paradox mentioned earlier. Here, the following development processes may be used:

• Shared expectations: Before embarking on a coaching process, you need to fully explore the real motivation behind her wish to be coached. Has she come to coaching to please others or perhaps to learn techniques which would ingratiate her with others? It is possible that to assist her to change only her behaviour will not necessarily bring long-term change. It may simply equip her with new skills to use in service of others or to manipulate the world more effectively.
• Clear boundaries: Complete a shared expectations exercise making sure that outcomes are very clear at the outset of coaching. Expectations can be revisited whenever you sense that she may be starting to use the process to serve or please you. Clear boundaries are imperative when working with her .
• Clear instructions must be given for homework with fixed deadlines to which you need to hold her accountable. At the end of each session you may want to assess if she is motivated enough to continue the process.

Awareness of vulnerability and the lack of inner resources may now be carefully exposed:

• Sabotaging inner knowledge: The next and most challenging step is to make her aware of her own lack of inner support. By keeping a regular journal she can be encouraged to develop an objective inner observer that can catch the moment when she sabotages her own intuition, experience, ideas or expertise. Asking her to give examples of where she doubted herself also brings a potential lack of self-trust into sharp focus. (Also, breathing and visualization exercises can help to bring her into contact with her own inner process of not trusting her own judgment.)
• Trusting only others: Once she starts mastering the above process, it is necessary for her to start observing when she puts her trust in others (the so-called "real experts" in her opinion) rather than herself. She also needs to assess the true value of the support she gets from others. Is she really better off by giving someone else the power rather than relying on herself?

Exposing the lack of need fulfilment and the tendency to manipulate others into meeting these needs while maintaining false independence can now be surfaced:

• Needs not met: Ask her to tell a story where she has denied her own needs in order to please another. Let her describe her actions, how the other person responded, how it made her feel, and what her thoughts were. Help her to locate feelings of frustration by observing how it feels in the body. This can help with the realization that manipulated relationships really do not bring the love and acceptance she craves - that in the process her own needs are not met and that her true self cannot be expressed.
• Not saying “no”: Invite her give examples where she specifically could not say “no” when she really wanted to. Ask her to describe how she felt while performing the task she committed to, as well as what she imagined would be a suitable pay-off. Look at examples in the workplace where she worked for a manager/leader who simply kept piling on the work. Ask for specific examples of where it became too much.
• Saying “no”: Now, use role play to re-enact the scene. This time she says “no” to the task. Let her visualize communication with the other party, exploring her reaction. How did it make her feel? How did saying “no” make her feel? What are the pay-offs and feelings around saying no? Work with breathing to release negative pent-up feelings.

People pleasing behaviour characterizes this process and this may take the form of grooming, anticipation of others’ needs or flattery. This can now be explored:

• Winning people over: Ask her to devote a page in her journal to the forms of people-pleasing she uses. To what extent does she flatter others in an attempt to get them to like her ? How does she call attention to what she does for others? To what extent does she find herself justifying or denying her degree of people-pleasing? Is it something she is proud of, or ashamed of? How would she react if others flattered or attempted to please her ? How does it make her feel to be the one to be pleased? Can she think of examples?
• Aligning to key people: Ask her to think of examples where she aligned herself at work or in her personal life to someone of importance who did not respond favourably towards her . How did the person respond? How did she serve the needs of this person? What was the pay-off? How did it make her feel? Then, request that she thinks of someone she did not feel the need to align to. What was the reason for this? What was the pay-off? What attributes did this person have that could have served her ?
• Constant connecting: Ask her to observe how she ensures connections with others. E.g. Does she render an extra service? Does she talk a great deal about the relationship? Does she need a lot of reassurance?
• Getting closer: When she catches herself wanting to get closer to someone in a social situation, advise her to stop for a minute and take a few deep breaths. Ask her to self-observe her posture at these times and what is going on inside (thoughts, feelings). Only then should she continue to speak to the other person.

Connecting with real inner needs is the aim of the exercise with this person. This will raise the paradox mentioned earlier to awareness by exposing the “love-hunger” that is present but which is sabotaged by disallowing others to get close enough to really express it:

• Loved and cherished: Ask her to explore questions like: “How do I know that I am loved? What counts for love in my life? Whose love am I looking for? What are the signs that the other person is giving me love? How do I know or how would I know when I am loved? In which way do I love and cherish myself?” On the last question, ask for specific examples. If there are few examples, explore what prevents her .
• Meeting needs – finding balance: Request that she ask people she cares about what their real needs are as opposed to what she expects them to need. Let her observe how she can’t meet her own needs as a result of her efforts for others. Let her compile a daily list of what she needs to do for herself and encourage her to stick to it! Ask her to keep the list in a prominent place where she can often see it.
• Recognizing needs: Request that she observes whenever she finds herself needing to do something for someone else. Ask that at these times she stop her activity, quiet herself and reflects on what she really needs at that time.
• Establishing boundaries: You can assist her in finding ways to determine clear boundaries with all those important people in her life. For instance, if she involves herself with someone, she needs to be certain of her expectations. Who needs what? Work with her on how to determine this.
• Tending to needy people: Help her observe when she gets involved with people who seem to need her in some way. Help her to see the hazards in falling in love with “fixer-uppers”. The following example illustrates this: “My boss cannot do without me. She’s totally disorganized, always loses important documents and forgets meetings. Even though she often blames her inefficiency on me, I’m sure I can never leave her. How would she cope without me?”

A return to balance is achieved by three critical steps:

• Unconditional giving: Explore the realization that it is good to help others, but only if it is without expectations about what they might do for us in the future. Ask her for examples where she had high expectations of being appreciated. What happened? How did she feel? What were her thoughts at the time? What did she do? What was the result? Now, let her think of a situation where she had no expectations. Let her explore this.
• Giving relationships room to grow: You can also invite her to use her journal to explore the ways in which she has been possessive of her family and friends. In what ways does she find it difficult to let them go? How has she tried to hold on to people? To what extent does she act out of jealousy in her relationships? How aware of this emotion was she in childhood? How did she deal with it then? How does it make her feel when someone is possessive over her ?
• Taking care of herself: Ask her to listen to her body – especially around matters of rest. Ask her to self-observe when she is eating for emotional reasons rather than because of hunger. Ask her to give to herself the same kind care she would insist on giving. If she were five years old again with a grazed knee, how would she have treated that child? Ask her to imagine herself as that child next time she feels frustrated as a result of denying her own needs. Then, treat that child with the loving care she deserves.

It is often difficult to see the heart connection with very hard-working and successful people. This is because emotions and feeling are blocked to avoid the pain or distraction they are perceived to bring. Instead they are replaced with a flurry of activity and a tendency to keep really busy and goal-focused. This displacement is often very effective and any attempt to bring the emotions to the surface is simply blocked. Furthermore, because they really are amazing achievers, they receive accolades for this and true emotional expression is never reinforced or seen as useful. The following conversation starters may be used to surface this underlying process:

• Tell me about a time when you went to work to escape an emotional situation.
• Talk to me about a time when you felt the need to appear successful.
• Share an example of a situation where you felt particularly unacknowledged for your achievement.
• Give me an example of an occasion where long working hours affected your home life.
• Tell me about a situation where you felt compelled to adapt your style, approach, presentation and dress to suit the situation.
• Describe a time when you had to work on a major project in a team context.
• Give an example where you were stopped from achieving your goal.
• Talk to me about a time when someone else did better than you.
• Share an example of where a major event or crisis in your life didn’t stop you from working.
• Give me an example of a time when someone made you feel incompetent and inefficient

Turning inward represents the first step in working with high achievers as they are usually out of touch with their emotional aspect:

• Quiet time: An important first step with her is to practice stopping her ceaseless activity. For those who feel comfortable with this technique, breath work can be used to calm down her mind chatter. Then ask her to quietly observe what is happening in her body. Ask her to become aware (without judgment or self-criticism) of any mind chatter, areas of bodily tension, pain or numbness. The simple technique of taking a deep, slow breath can create a quieter space.

Success has become the replacement for feelings of being loved and so needs to be explored carefully to bring its meaning to consciousness:

• Goal setting: Once she feels fairly centered, ask her to think of an example where, in the past, she set goals she could not achieve. Let her tell the story and guide her into her body by asking where she feels tension. Probe the emotions that a sense of failure brings. How did she feel? Where did it stem from? What is the worst that can happen?
• Success and failure: Help her to reframe her feelings of always having to achieve, to see how futile perhaps some of her goals are, and most of all, how damaging her perception of failure is – that there are many different definitions of what failure means and that her is just another assumption that is not necessarily based in reality. Examine specific examples and distinctions. Again explore what is the worst that can happen. Compare the event to possible much worse events out of her control and help her reframe her values, dreams and priorities.

Avoiding resistance becomes all important in this dynamic because as you start to expose feelings. The need to run away as fast as possible is likely to become all consuming. Incredible discomfort usually signals to this person a time to go to work and block it:

• Safe space: Work with the concept of a safe space (through specific visualization of such a place and the sense of its supportive value) where she is supported and not abandoned – a place she can go to whenever she feels compelled to save the day. Simply ask her to think of a place where she felt safe and to remind herself of this place when she doesn’t.

Now comes the phase of slowing down and allowing the feelings so long suppressed to flow. This will be a difficult time for her so additional support may be needed:

• Let things unfold: Ask her to every day note down in her journal occasions when she felt she had to take matters into her own hands. Encourage her to note in her journal examples where she reminded herself to stand back and let things unfold. This can help her realize that she does not need to try so hard, that letting go can brings relief. It could lead her to the realization that although helplessness seems painful, it is the beginning of coming back to life again – a sincere and truthful life, where she can be authentic to herself.
• Redefine success: Ask her to probe what success really means to her . What did it mean to her parents? What does it mean to her peers? Whose goals are they really? Whose success? What connections exist between her parents’, peers’, managers’ expectations of her and her own?
• Giving herself a break: Ask her to think of five areas in her life where she did not feel compelled to be the best. Then to identify five areas where she felt she had to be the best. How do her different lists make her feel? Which items make her relax and which ones make her feel tense? What differences in her state can she detect? How anxious or calm does she feel? Let her think of five more areas where she is able to relax and be herself.
• Re-awakening the heart: Ask her to place her hands on her chest over the heart and take some deep breaths. Focus her attention into her body. Let her focus specifically on the heart area. What does she experience? Let her stay with whatever sensations she finds in her heart space and ask her to note how it changes over time. Ask her to do this at least once a day on her own.
• Finding the true self: Ask her to make a collage (a technique that can be used for any of the other Enneatypes) of how she perceives her true self. Let her explain the meaning of all the images used. Reflect back those portrayals built around an image projected on to others and probe deeper around others based on truth.

Now comes the phase of critical realization in this coaching session. These four realizations go to the center of the behaviour framework she has developed and, if she becomes aware of them and learns to let them go, she is likely to begin to transform:

• Driving herself: Ask her to explore the following questions in her journal: In what ways does she see herself as success-driven or competitive? What makes her hold on to the goals that she is pursuing? Ask her to describe times when, because of the need to excel or compete, she landed in projects that she was not really interested in. What does she think would happen if she let go a little bit?
• Losing the game: Ask her to keep a journal noting the following: How does it feel to have to compete constantly? How does she feel about her competitors? How did it feel when she lost the competition? Where is the feeling situated in the body? What particular emotion relates there? What is the message that she gave herself when she failed to win? How does it feel? What name can be put to that feeling?
• Meeting expectations: Ask her to explore how others perceive her , e.g. parents, children, friends, colleagues, managers. How does this differ from how she perceives herself? To what extent has the disparity caused conflicts or problems?
• Adjusting herself: Ask her to self-observe how she adjusts herself to her surroundings or adapts her behaviour significantly to suit certain people (friends, co-workers, family etc).. How does she adjust or adapt? How does it feel? What are her thoughts? How many times does she adjust or adapt in this way in a day? How grounded does she feel when she adapts? How connected with her heart? Does she feel more or less valuable? How authentic does she feel?

The previous part of the process tends to lead the client to the realization that a false self is being presented. In order to come to an authentic presentation of self, some consolidation needs to be done:

• Letting others see the true self: Encourage her to share stories that make her feel vulnerable – initially with you in a safely held space. When she feels strong enough, let her start sharing stories with someone else who can be trusted. Let her concentrate on how it feels to be so vulnerable. How pleasant or unpleasant is it? What does it feel like in her body? How does it make her feel in relation to the other person? What is she afraid to let others see?
• Let people discover the real self: Ask her to focus first on others’ lives and achievements when socializing. Invite her to find out what is interesting about other people, as well as to notice how others ask questions to learn about her . Ask her specifically to focus on sharing details about herself that are not based on her own performance or success. Ask her to observe how that feels. Encourage her to write in her journal examples of these experiences and to note what has changed for her and what she ’s learned.
• Communicating through the heart: Introduce a role-play where she communicates in her normal performance driven way with an imagined friend or colleague. Then, ask her to use a change of style where she communicates through the heart, steering away from conversation with a success motive. Reflect back when the old style props up again and probe emotions and experiences around the style of communicating through the heart.